all i want is one more chance, to be young and wild and free

man. this sucks. sucks and blows. i always thought the students ahead of me were being melodramatic when they talked about studying for the bar, but perhaps not. i'm on day two of studying for this thing, and you know how i was telling everyone i wanted to treat it "like a 9-to-5"? um, try 9-to-9. i'm not going crazy and trying to do every little thing (and unlike a lot of my friends, i'm only taking one class instead of two), but even trying to be "reasonable" it's just very time-consuming. i mean, i have to learn 24 subjects in 7 or 8 weeks, maybe 3/4 of which i've previously taken a class on. i just did a practice test, on the one subject i've been studying for the last couple of days, and and i got 5 out of 17 right. that's not even 30%, holmes. to put it in some perspective, though, that's only a couple questions worse than my friends who have been doing said second class this spring.

shockingly, i really haven't been procrastinating, either! i have so many damn books to carry that i leave my laptop at home. i guess that's good though. it's kind of liberating to be forcibly removed from the internet and its sometimes shallow diversions. and i take some consolation in the fact that most of my friends are in the same suffocating little boat. i mean, my first-year BFF rachael, we've tried and failed to make plans since her graduation party--8 months ago--and i've now seen her twice in two days. sad commentary, eh?

i'll stop bitching now. it's just harsh because i've had a pretty good run of things. i had a fabulous time in dc, and then it was 4 days of being the center of attention, dressing up, eating steak every day, getting drunk every night. intense bro-down session with the brother, rewarding catch-ups with extended family. i uploaded approximately 9 billion photos this week so you can check it out for yourself. but yeah. you know that scene in almost famous? where the kid gets back from tour, beelines to his bed, and promptly passes out, backpack and all? that's pretty much what happened to me on monday after my parents dropped me off. i didn't even eat anything until, like, two in the afternoon, because i took a 4-hour nap. and i usually have, like, two lunches by eleven. still got up and got going to send off loren and ben, though. i miss those two already but i'm excited for their future. i should have talked about that instead of practice test percentages, shouldn't i?

because i said so

erica's comment reminded me that i have not mentioned how unsurprisingly awesome the new sea and cake album is. i have really been feeling one bedroom again lately, but this one's a departure in a good way. more stripped down; i hesitate to say that it's more "rocking", but there's even some actual guitar hooks again. all smoove, no snooze. the perfect soundtrack to early summer (i mean, there's even a song called "coconut"). it makes me want to drink a mojito, and i don't even like mojitos.

the new mary timony on the other hand. . .love that woman, and she is obviously one of the greatest living guitarists, but i'm really not feeling this one all the way. even the four-minute songs feel like they are seven. . . i would instead suggest either or both charlotte hatherley albums. it's like if ms. timony fronted a punked-up girl group. similarly unconventional tunings and inventive guitar work, but in a pop song context.

p.s. there may be trouble a-brewing at emusic, aka the reason why i've even listened to both these albums already. say it ain't so! it doesn't excuse underpaying any artists, if that's happening, but i would agree w/ mr. CEO that itunes = song buyers, emusic = album buyers. hopefully it can get sorted.

can you believe i got to school at 8:40 a.m. today? me neither. can you believe that i haven't started working yet? me too.

half-dozen

1. yesterday--long run, thinking hard about the people of greensburg, kansas. i've never been there, but i've passed through many towns like it. block after block, the question i couldn't shake: how do you rebuild a town that was probably already dying?
still, of course, people need help now even if that question can't yet be answered.

2. interesting barack article in the new yorker. the author kind of sucks, and the article focuses as much or more on his skills as a candidate as his potential to be an actual public servant, but i would still call it a must-read. there's still a lot more i need to know about obama, but this gave some insight as to where he may be coming from.

3. i'm not afraid to say this made me cry, even though it's not at all the first such story i've heard. all you people who prefer cats, i will just never fucking understand. i would have to take some seriously mind-altering drugs to even be able to imagine, hypothetically, a cat acting selfless. (sorry, various friends i've offended.)

4. bill clinton crossword.

5. yet another person agrees with me that grey's anatomy (and its progeny) sucks. the author's argument is a tad shrill/second wave but i generally agree. trust me, it can be difficult to be a woman in a high-pressure, traditionally male profession, and lord knows "confused and self-doubting" describes my personal life more often than not, AND i am obvs all for escapist entertainment (boston legal, and lately, mtv cribs), but when you turn on the tv and see a female professional barge in on a fucking surgery to confront someone about some sort of imagined relationship drama? worst. bonus points for the linkage to ally mcbeal, which disturbed me for the same reasons. she is too kind to sex and the city, though.

6. my love for dunkin donuts coffee is still fierce and bostonian. no coffee of any sort has passed my lips in at least six weeks, but this week, i can't help it. it's just the only appropriate beverage for finals.

freak scene

my apartment is really not the place to be right now. no one here is in a good mood. my roommate is sad because she has a mystery knee injury which has majorly effed up her compulsive running habit, her boyfriend is sad because he's a 1L, and i've just felt jittery and weird for the last 2 or 3 hours. and we're all bummed about finals. howevs, my anxiety is not even about my exam, more the half-dozen urgent things on my mind besides said exam, and all the changes happening in my life generally, buzzing around in my brain at an inopportune time. and probably too much caffeine. seriously, someone pass the klonopin.

although this makes me feel a little better. WOW.

and that said, most of the last several days, at least after saying sayonara to the BUP and turning in my paper, have been pretty laid back, considering. running and sleeping and drinking and laughing and seeing a breathtakingly cathartic ted leo show. and, uh, studying.

p.s. chicago-area readers. i was studying at the loop barnes and noble today and they had several copies of this, in hardback, for, like, seven dollars! do yourselves a favor.

nahmean?

am watching The NewsHour and attempting to study, pre ill-advised dollar-burgers sesh with my soon-to-be-ex-law school bff/recent running partner/perpetual life coach loren, and cotey/dustin/brian. lehrer is interviewing sens. patty murray and kay bailey hutchinson--AKA TWO LADIES--about the president's veto of the iraq spending bill. it is serious, it is rigorous, and JL is not asking patronizing questions or softballs (of course). somehow it feels almost revolutionary. i mean, i'm still pleasantly surprised when i see more than the token amount of female commentators, let alone actual (non-pelosi) elected legislators.