all i want is one more chance, to be young and wild and free

man. this sucks. sucks and blows. i always thought the students ahead of me were being melodramatic when they talked about studying for the bar, but perhaps not. i'm on day two of studying for this thing, and you know how i was telling everyone i wanted to treat it "like a 9-to-5"? um, try 9-to-9. i'm not going crazy and trying to do every little thing (and unlike a lot of my friends, i'm only taking one class instead of two), but even trying to be "reasonable" it's just very time-consuming. i mean, i have to learn 24 subjects in 7 or 8 weeks, maybe 3/4 of which i've previously taken a class on. i just did a practice test, on the one subject i've been studying for the last couple of days, and and i got 5 out of 17 right. that's not even 30%, holmes. to put it in some perspective, though, that's only a couple questions worse than my friends who have been doing said second class this spring.

shockingly, i really haven't been procrastinating, either! i have so many damn books to carry that i leave my laptop at home. i guess that's good though. it's kind of liberating to be forcibly removed from the internet and its sometimes shallow diversions. and i take some consolation in the fact that most of my friends are in the same suffocating little boat. i mean, my first-year BFF rachael, we've tried and failed to make plans since her graduation party--8 months ago--and i've now seen her twice in two days. sad commentary, eh?

i'll stop bitching now. it's just harsh because i've had a pretty good run of things. i had a fabulous time in dc, and then it was 4 days of being the center of attention, dressing up, eating steak every day, getting drunk every night. intense bro-down session with the brother, rewarding catch-ups with extended family. i uploaded approximately 9 billion photos this week so you can check it out for yourself. but yeah. you know that scene in almost famous? where the kid gets back from tour, beelines to his bed, and promptly passes out, backpack and all? that's pretty much what happened to me on monday after my parents dropped me off. i didn't even eat anything until, like, two in the afternoon, because i took a 4-hour nap. and i usually have, like, two lunches by eleven. still got up and got going to send off loren and ben, though. i miss those two already but i'm excited for their future. i should have talked about that instead of practice test percentages, shouldn't i?

because i said so

erica's comment reminded me that i have not mentioned how unsurprisingly awesome the new sea and cake album is. i have really been feeling one bedroom again lately, but this one's a departure in a good way. more stripped down; i hesitate to say that it's more "rocking", but there's even some actual guitar hooks again. all smoove, no snooze. the perfect soundtrack to early summer (i mean, there's even a song called "coconut"). it makes me want to drink a mojito, and i don't even like mojitos.

the new mary timony on the other hand. . .love that woman, and she is obviously one of the greatest living guitarists, but i'm really not feeling this one all the way. even the four-minute songs feel like they are seven. . . i would instead suggest either or both charlotte hatherley albums. it's like if ms. timony fronted a punked-up girl group. similarly unconventional tunings and inventive guitar work, but in a pop song context.

p.s. there may be trouble a-brewing at emusic, aka the reason why i've even listened to both these albums already. say it ain't so! it doesn't excuse underpaying any artists, if that's happening, but i would agree w/ mr. CEO that itunes = song buyers, emusic = album buyers. hopefully it can get sorted.

can you believe i got to school at 8:40 a.m. today? me neither. can you believe that i haven't started working yet? me too.

half-dozen

1. yesterday--long run, thinking hard about the people of greensburg, kansas. i've never been there, but i've passed through many towns like it. block after block, the question i couldn't shake: how do you rebuild a town that was probably already dying?
still, of course, people need help now even if that question can't yet be answered.

2. interesting barack article in the new yorker. the author kind of sucks, and the article focuses as much or more on his skills as a candidate as his potential to be an actual public servant, but i would still call it a must-read. there's still a lot more i need to know about obama, but this gave some insight as to where he may be coming from.

3. i'm not afraid to say this made me cry, even though it's not at all the first such story i've heard. all you people who prefer cats, i will just never fucking understand. i would have to take some seriously mind-altering drugs to even be able to imagine, hypothetically, a cat acting selfless. (sorry, various friends i've offended.)

4. bill clinton crossword.

5. yet another person agrees with me that grey's anatomy (and its progeny) sucks. the author's argument is a tad shrill/second wave but i generally agree. trust me, it can be difficult to be a woman in a high-pressure, traditionally male profession, and lord knows "confused and self-doubting" describes my personal life more often than not, AND i am obvs all for escapist entertainment (boston legal, and lately, mtv cribs), but when you turn on the tv and see a female professional barge in on a fucking surgery to confront someone about some sort of imagined relationship drama? worst. bonus points for the linkage to ally mcbeal, which disturbed me for the same reasons. she is too kind to sex and the city, though.

6. my love for dunkin donuts coffee is still fierce and bostonian. no coffee of any sort has passed my lips in at least six weeks, but this week, i can't help it. it's just the only appropriate beverage for finals.

freak scene

my apartment is really not the place to be right now. no one here is in a good mood. my roommate is sad because she has a mystery knee injury which has majorly effed up her compulsive running habit, her boyfriend is sad because he's a 1L, and i've just felt jittery and weird for the last 2 or 3 hours. and we're all bummed about finals. howevs, my anxiety is not even about my exam, more the half-dozen urgent things on my mind besides said exam, and all the changes happening in my life generally, buzzing around in my brain at an inopportune time. and probably too much caffeine. seriously, someone pass the klonopin.

although this makes me feel a little better. WOW.

and that said, most of the last several days, at least after saying sayonara to the BUP and turning in my paper, have been pretty laid back, considering. running and sleeping and drinking and laughing and seeing a breathtakingly cathartic ted leo show. and, uh, studying.

p.s. chicago-area readers. i was studying at the loop barnes and noble today and they had several copies of this, in hardback, for, like, seven dollars! do yourselves a favor.

nahmean?

am watching The NewsHour and attempting to study, pre ill-advised dollar-burgers sesh with my soon-to-be-ex-law school bff/recent running partner/perpetual life coach loren, and cotey/dustin/brian. lehrer is interviewing sens. patty murray and kay bailey hutchinson--AKA TWO LADIES--about the president's veto of the iraq spending bill. it is serious, it is rigorous, and JL is not asking patronizing questions or softballs (of course). somehow it feels almost revolutionary. i mean, i'm still pleasantly surprised when i see more than the token amount of female commentators, let alone actual (non-pelosi) elected legislators.

i LOVE you, big black lady with sleep apnea!

somehow, this came up in conversation yesterday and i was compelled to google the actual article--has it really been five years? travis morrison kind of dove into the deep end of quirk these last few years, but this reminds that the d-plan at their best were so humane, funny and irreverent. but regardless about whether you care about some old rock band (it's probably better if you don't), you should READ THIS. not all of it. scroll down to the mid-section. totally hilarious with a very wise conclusion.

the take-away show

oui, oui!

soulful birds and soulless hacks

parish and i saw andrew bird on friday. despite a bad hair day and awkward scarf, the wilsonian hotness was still intact. to be honest, his new one was a grower for me as compared to the mysterious production of eggs, and while he's a favorite, i don't keep all of his songs in heavy rotation. but live, though, the sound he makes is just overwhelmingly gorgeous, especially with the increased production values and augmented lineup that he now rocks. parish was won over by the line, "we'll get back at them all with epoxy and a pair of pliers," and really, can you blame him?

we were both a little non-plussed by the opener, apostle of hustle. the guy is talented, and i like certain of his songs, but he veered a little too far into patchouliville on this particular night. also a lot of lead-guitarist-sexface going on. hopefully none of this will influence the next broken social scene album. also, i think i may have inadvertently convinced one of my classmates that i'm a bigot. AWESOME.

anyway, it is worth noting that mr. bird stated that while he is not playing any summer festivals this year, he is HEADLINING THE HIDEOUT FEST. AT THE HIDEOUT. JAM OF THE YEAR? possibly. and i won't be working yet, so yeah. speaking of, these people clearly aren't on to me yet. on friday they sent me a finals care package (!?) of gourmet popcorn and cookies. um, you had me at "we'd like to offer you a position."

on a complete other note, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. be sure to click on all the links, especially the "UPDATE: MORE". feel free to send this chick a vitriolic email on my behalf. she deserves it.

back to pop music.

p.s. i agree with this post all the way. ALL the way. if you are my myspace internet quasi-friend you will know that i dig this rihanna song. weird, because i had zero time for her before. but i am a sucker for blown-out fuzz bass, whether it's produced by robert schnieder or "c.tricky stewart." yeah, jay-z is on this track but i like it more in spite of than because. even though my expectations for hova are low at this point, it's superfluous, and aggravating: like, really, why the fuck is he on this? it's like he's eager to add grist to the rumor mill as long as def jam's PPS goes up. and dude is right about the "post-rock" thing...i mean, i remember a few years ago, when it seemed like every show i went to, someone was covering that kylie song: cursive, the flaming lips, you name it. which was fun, and sort of justified. but this song actually DOES sort of have that epic sweep that would lend itself well to heavier, guitar-centric artists. anyway, i likewise agree that the new amerie song is pretty decent too. so it's pretty darn similar to "one thing.' and also the horn riff from "hold on, i'm a comin'." but exactly how and why would that be a bad thing? and yeah, i even agree about the amy winehouse. i actually didn't hear the song until fairly recently, but i too am not immune to the charms of "rehab." even though i have to take a shower after even looking at that chick.

poster of a girl

today was not the greatest. one of those days where you feel both restless and sullen, that feels wasted even though you technically got things done. then you receive a photo like this and you feel a little bit better:




red wine, russell stover easter eggs, and multiple episodes of 'arrested development' also help out.

(p.s. that would be sadie grey murphy, the newest addition to the family of my cousin thomas and his wife julie, aka jack and lulu. and s & g are both family names, actually.)

humbling.

so i just got home from my regular thursday night drinking sesh to discover that i'd received a hand-written note from ben and char dykema, the wonderfully midwestern, retired couple that spearheaded the volunteer efforts in which i took part in new orleans in march (from the christian reformed world relief committee, if we're being exact, but whatevs. . . it was secular and i am down with the G-O-D if we're keeping track anyway). fuck, man. i can't even be bothered to put my laundry away.

eff a motion in limine, for reals.

um, holy shit. this happened, like, half a mile from my school.

still, i think i'm less scared of coyotes than i am the chicago police department right now.

on a happier note, jess has an interview next week for a job at GOOGLE! although they must get 999,999 resumes a week, i can't say that i'm surprised.

"it's obnoxiously great to be me week" continues

dudes. you know who you are. the flowers--so awesome. i will call or write you all personally tomorrow. right now i have to go eat korean bbq. (!!!!!)

and not forgetting the voice

i should have known better than to wear mascara to a neko case show. it goes without saying at this point, but she is epic. especially at park west, her voice just soared. and backed up by kelly hogan and nora o'connor (tied with jennifer for o'connors i wish i was related to), it was like the triumvirate of chicago-based sirens. trust me, that she made me cry is not at all as surprising as when...certain songs that reduced me to tears the first time i heard them ("star witness", "margaret vs. pauline") sounded surprisingly upbeat live, while "set out running," which initially struck me as well-crafted country pastiche, absolutely killed me. and then were there the songs that always had that effect, like "i wish i was the moon." and then, even though she gave us fair warning that it was "a sad one" there was "in california" (which some googling told me was written by her previous bandmate lisa marr) that turned my eyes from watery to flooded. (check the lyrics and tell me i'm wrong.) which is not at all incompatible with saying that i had the absolute best time. plus she and her ladies are just the funniest, even sans rachael flotard. and songs i previously wrote off, like "favorite," floored me. and in the hands of her capable band and my admirably silent fellow concertgoers, "dirty knife" was absolutely cinematic. the scary thing is, the shows tonight and tomorrow are probably going to be even better.

it was a good day.

have you ever had one of those days where you wake up and you're not rested and you're behind on your work and you're kind of cranky and you just sort of roll with it and you then score a second date with the cute architect and you then get a voicemail from the big firm that you talked to and you later find out that you got a job from the big firm and you then send some gratuitous emails and you then hear some pretty great things from close friends and also from people you thought might not notice at all and you then get a pretty incredible email from your father and you then get an even more incredible email from someone at the big firm and you then take a really, truly, horrible test but you go out after with your thursday night buddies and law school best friend and the horrible bar you usually go to is not that bad and the horrible waitress is replaced with someone really nice and the horrible dude that usually talks to you keeps to his friends and they play your favorite daft punk song and the train comes soon enough and you come home to find that even more people you thought might not notice did and your brother wrote something that makes you cry so you write something even more gratuitous on your goddamned blog? me too, before now. it's pretty heady, not gonna lie.

if there's been a way to build it. . .

what a LONG day. i left the house at 8:30 and got in about 20 minutes ago. today felt infinitely more like a monday than monday actually did. thank god i have leftovers that i actually want to eat. (that i cooked, even! it happens sometimes.) i have a feeling that i missed some sort of graduation-related deadline. whatevs, i'm not even trying to find out until i finish this glass of wine.

p.s. guess who has a date with a cute architect this weekend?

for someone who hasn't finished a book in months, i can sound pretty pretentious

so much to say, so little motivation to say it...i've been doing a lot of living lately, and my focus is elsewhere as i try to sort through all my obligations: little things, big things, little parts of big things, little things with big impact and vice versa. NOLA pictures are up on flickr, though they give no indication of the amazing people i met down there. hardworking, earnest, generous people who are trying to move forward from almost incomprehensible upheaval and turmoil, and with very little assistance from anyone. i have to write something for the school about the work i did; maybe i'll copy that here whenever that gets done.

the anti-war march today ended up being inspiring. i went down with people from my school, who were serving as legal observers for the nlg. i spaced on the training for that, so i just went down to march and help them out. the pre-march rally mostly annoyed me, frankly. it was primarily populated by career protesters, shrill and irrelevant ists (social-, neo-lenin-, etc., whatevs), apple-cheeked 19 year-olds shouting about the people's revolution, nutjobs in costumes. notable exception: the kid from iraq veterans against the war. jesus christ. and kathy kelly, who changed the name of her group now that the violence in iraq is more than economic. she brought up the plight of the many refugees of the war, which i'm ashamed to admit i haven't considered very much either.

the actual march, however, was a different story. and the fact that it was actually, finally on michigan again (no small victory, symbolic or otherwise, after the giant civil rights violation that was 4 years ago), made it feel like some sort of impact may have been made, for once. ugg-booted mothers and daughters, art-damaged college kids, church folks, old-timers and everyone in between (people of color, even! i sound snarky, and yes, that is a commentary on the (often-understandable) (non)appeal of liberal activism to minorities, but also on the super-scary presence of the chicago p.d., to be explained shortly) all marching down FUCKING MICHIGAN AVENUE at dinnertime. to a man, every cab driver honked in support. and you know, the cops were alright, as i have mostly found to be the case at these things. they joked with us, and each other, we joked with them and ourselves. they're on overtime, they're doing what they have to do. but the riot cops, of which there had to be two or three hundred, were just plain unnerving. not their conduct, which was totally hands-off, but the sheer presence, for blocks and blocks. the masks obscuring their faces, the big wooden canes. you don't see that in new york, even. i can't think of any recent march i've attended or been in the vicinity of that wasn't the same way (last year this time, the immigration rally)--or rather, any march since 4 years ago. it's an obvious message. daley doesn't like surprises. period. i'm glad i went. it's sick that this war has gone on so long that i can compare and contrast ANNUAL marches. it's sick that it ever began. i finally read the seymour hersh article from three new yorkers ago and it made me fired up. and sad. and really, really confused.

on another note, and apropos of nothing, ted leo and i have the same favorite stereolab song! i only listen to that album maybe once a year, if that, but i have that song in my head at least once a week. probably because something in my life feels out of control at least once a week. soothing and fortifying. in the context of the album as a whole, i guess it sounds like pop neo-marxism, but independent of that, the lyric is just, like, the best advice ever.

related to that: i was so busy crushing on andrew bird that i forgot dude's album came out today too! it was a pleasant surprise.

ok, i'm going to go try and fight the good fight against stress-induced insomnia now. laters.

typical

i'm sorry, i really hate to make this blog very law school-y, and i know the last couple entries totally were, but. . .man, i kind of screwed myself. i'm not really sure where today (before 6 p.m. class) went, other than ipod maintenance, nail painting, trying to get one of the neanderthals at IBABY on the phone, and running. i definitely didn't work much on my complaint which is due saturday a.m. but anyone who reads this, or who has known me for any period of time, well knows my self-sabotaging tendencies re: writing deadlines. and i guess i just kind of knew in my bones that i would be going out after class...my girl loren is one of my Top Best Friends Ever, and she's outta here in, like, a month and a half, so, carpe diem. i guess i didn't realize "a beer" would turn into such a long night. even knowing us. and i'm kind of underestimating how much stuff i have to do before NOLA. but it'll work itself out, though, right?

p.s. seems like lots of people lately have told me, in a roundabout, belated, way, that they read this thing. WELL YOU SHOULD COMMENT, THEN! i say this because i am superficial, but also, i want to know what you think and HOW YOU ARE DOING. ok? thx.

4 lists.

things i did today:
1. go to work.
2. attend a meeting for the new orleans trip.
3. present at a meeting for the new orleans trip.
4. make up a 90-minute exam for one of my classes.
5. go to class 1.
6. go to class 2.
7. take a 45-minute deposition at class 2.
8. learn that j. nicholas parish once punched a cow at the wisconsin state fair.
9. realize that i am not surprised by number 8.

bands/records i have been feeling again lately:
1. broadcast.
2. crooked fingers.
3. the dismemberment plan, "emergency and i." (before the reunion was announced, actually.)
4. pelican.
5. juliana hatfield, "made in china." (don't hate. maybe a few of the lyrics are ham-fisted, but this album rocks. kind of like what sleater-kinney may have been aiming for with "the woods," but with actual songs and less blooze.)
5. the verlaines. (of course.) (p.s. they are recording a new album! this is a great thing. you just don't know it. finding out about stuff like this is why, no matter how annoying and pervy and corporate myspace becomes, i cannot disavow it completely.)

places i ate hot dogs last saturday:
1. vienna beef hot dog factory.
2. jimmy's red hots.
3. gene and jude's.
4. superdawg.
5. wolfy's.
6. u lucky dawg.
7. byron's.*

cool things on the internet:
1. this. (courtesy of s/fj.)
2. and this.


* (a bite.)

wow.

i am so incredibly behind. on school stuff, work projects, everything. i meant to do stuff tonight, but ended up online window-shopping for dresses in a half-coma. but whatever. it's been eventful. best-friend visits and six-figure job interviews don't happen all that often, let alone in one week.

despite everything else going on, it was so great to have jess in town. as ever, she validates my opinions and ideas but also grounds me so much. laughter all around. it's funny how some things (for us, walking to white hen and watching conan) never change.

and the mega-interview was actually not that bad. i was a little stiff with the first guy, but became much more comfortable and really enjoyed talking to everyone i met. i met with three partners, then one associate; the last "interview" was just a very informal lunch with two more. if i actually got this job, it would be such a change..but i've been wanting one. i often do well when something unexpected just comes at me, like this certainly has, because i'm not always the best about seeking change out for myself and it keeps things interesting. i think i need my world shaken up a bit right now and certainly want more of a challenge.

and, well, yeah, the money. holy wu tang jesus, you can't ignore the money. the hours would be long, really long at times; it's almost too obvious to mention. but the kids i had lunch with (who were nice and funny and pretty cool) were able to actually use all their vacation time...and do some pretty awesome things with it. in contrast with, oh, pretty much every year since college, when i've worked a ton and still couldn't afford to travel anywhere. and most of my other issues with the big firm experience are specific to litigation, as opposed to the stuff i would be doing with this job. the female partner i met with seemed a lot like me, in some surprising ways. and she is on top of her game, in an area of the law where there are still very few female partners. we had such a candid conversation, which was extremely affirming and encouraging. so who knows? maybe i'll wind up in the last place i thought i'd ever be. can't say it'd be the first time.

i have one other story which deserves its own post but it'll have to wait. i have a hot dog tour to rest up for!